Five ways to deal with "tumaba ka!" comments at holiday parties
This story is brought to you by Revlon.
The holidays have descended upon us in full force, so your calendar is probably full of office parties, family reunions, school reunions, friend parties, possibly even weddings and engagements. ‘Tis the season to see people you haven’t seen in a while, and that includes your nosy Tita and noisy Tito! So, for lack of anything better to say or maybe even just to feel a weird sense of superiority over you, they are going to be making some nasty comments about your looks. This article is to prepare you for the inevitable: the yearly sucker punch to your gut, squarely in that tiny space where your self-esteem resides, as they say “Tumaba ka! (You got fat!)”
This is a simple guide. An easy guide. Only if you’re a saint.
Seriously though, when dealing with negative comments like this, it’s best to be as patient as you can. Draw from the brittle dry well from which precious drops of patience remain as the year ends even if that’s all that’s left! I’m not saying you should just take it without saying or doing anything though. Bullies should never be tolerated, no matter how old they are and even if they’re family. Here’s what to do and what not to do!
First things first: don’t respond to meanness with meanness. It’s easy and tempting to say something like “Tumaba rin kayo (you got fat too)” or to roll your eyes or walk out but then you’d just be spreading the hurt around. So be graceful and don’t be nasty just because you can!
Instead, refocus the conversation on what you’ve achieved or have been working on this year. “Yeah, I know, I gained weight nga, but I’ve been working on my master’s degree!” or “I’ve been parenting an amazing small human being, whom you should meet!” or “I”ve been busy running my online business!” Doing this reminds them (and also you) that you’re more than what you look like. It will also give them something else to talk about! I think most of the time they’re just trying to find common ground and our looks are the easiest target, so give them something else to chew on.
Discuss the issue directly. You can say, “It’s not nice to say this to anyone, because it might hurt their feelings, as it hurt mine. I hope you can think twice before saying this again - I know you’re a good person so this will be easy for you. Ok?” This is actually something I’ve been doing with my parents whenever they’re not PC! And they always understand. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of explaining to convince someone they can be better next time.
If they don’t get it or they make fun of you instead for being “sensitive”, then it’s time to let it go. Not everybody deserves your patience and your time, and you certainly don’t need to be friends with everybody. Just let yourself feel sad for those who don’t have the emotional intelligence or even basic comprehension then move on. It’s their problem, not yours.
Come prepared. Yes, our appearance is not the most important thing about us, but personally I find that I’m more confident when I’ve put in the time, effort, and intention into the way I look like for the occasion. Dressing well and putting on a makeup look that makes us feel good is as much of an internal activity as it is an external one! Makeup, I’d like to think, is a form of meditation that connects who we are outside to who we are inside.
For the holidays, you only really need three products to feel AND look ready for the “tumaba ka” comments. One is a stunning red lipstick that becomes the center of attention and conversation as soon as someone sees you - try the Revlon Ultra HD Matte Lip Mousse in 100° (P575) for that. It’s a beautiful velvet liquid lipstick that makes your teeth whiter and your skin brighter. Plus, it stains so you'll have lip color even after a meal!
For the eyes, play with the Revlon Looks Book Eyeshadow Palette in Enigma (P875). It has a lovely selection of mattes and shimmer for the holidays - try that rose gold color as an overall lid wash. Finally, contour with the Revlon Photoready Insta-Sculpt Duo (P775) on your cheeks, jawline, and forehead. It delivers a natural finish and takes away the bloated look we get from eating too much this season. (You know it’s real!)
Here’s a look I did with these products. It’s simple but fresh and interesting!
And that, my friends, is how you deal with “tumaba ka” comments. How about you, what’s your standard response every year?
