Liz Says, Week 1: The girl with the temper
Hi guys! If you've been following my Facebook page and Twitter, you may have seen the announcement for my weekly advice column. Every Saturday, I'll be giving young women advice on how to deal with their love and career problems. I'm not saying I can fix your life. But I sure am hoping that I can help you look at (or solve) your problems from a different perspective.
You may be wondering why I'm doing this, and why here. Frankly I just want to take a break from writing about makeup all the time. Haha. But seriously.I've been through a lot and I've always dealt with my problems in a freakishly calm and rational manner. More girls should do that. All the movies, TV shows, even books are telling women my age to be melodramatic and to feel entitled about certain things in their lives. That should never be the case. I'm just here to tell you exactly that.
I decided to put this advice column on Project Vanity because it's basically in the same spirit: I want to help women accept their problems and then deal with them. Whether it's a pimple before a big night or a big fight with your asshole boyfriend, I want you to know that we can talk about it. :)
Okay? Okay! So here's the first letter from someone we shall call the Girl with the Temper.
I'm 22 going on 23, so I consider myself a pretty mature person. However, a recurring problem in my current relationship is my short fuse. I can be really patient with other people. As a matter of fact, I had a tutoring stint with grade school children and not once did I get angry even though I used to dislike children.
However, when it comes to my boyfriend, all my patience goes out the window. I can - and do - get mad at every little thing: for example, if his texts come a few minutes too late, if he talks to a girl...he hit the hammer on the head when he told me that I always expect to get what I want, and I get mad or cry if I don't. In short, I act childishly! How's that for immature?
I do know what I have to do - grow up and be more understanding, and learn that I can't always have my way and that sometimes, I will inevitably suffer disappointment because no relationship is perfect. The problem is, this is far easier said than done. My question is, how do I do all these? How do I become mature in love? I'm lucky to have a very understanding boyfriend, but I'm afraid my childishness will eventually turn him off.
Most romantic relationships simply don't function in a rational way, because love is irrational (surprise surprise). However! The feeling may be hard to control but it's not impossible to control how we react to our partner.
Now, with love comes a host of other emotions. One of them is anger, but anger is just a reaction to something else, most commonly fear. The questions shouldn't be: "Why am I angry at him all the time? How do I stop being angry?" It should be, "What am I afraid of?"
So ask yourself that. From the sound of it, you seem to be very much afraid of losing him. That explains how you can't stand the late texts, the random conversations with women. If he's given you any reason to feel that (maybe he has cheated on you, or you suspect he is, or maybe you sense he's just not that into you), you have to sit down and talk about it. Not about your temper problem, but your fear and insecurity.
Hopefully, that talk can help ease the pressure from your relationship. :) Treat him well. Accept that he has a life too, and it doesn't necessarily have to revolve around you.
Relationships woes or lack thereof? Career issues? If you want your own letter published and answered on Liz Says, feel free to email it to liz at projectvanity.com or leave your message here. I'll see what I can do!