Monday Musings: What's missing in my life

Reflection. That's what. This column used to be easy to write because I always just reach back into last week's train of thought. But for a while now I don't get much time to think, because my days are a relentless mass of things to do that just keeps rolling on, and on, and on. The free time that I have I try to spend not thinking about work. I am either at the court or in my bed vegging out to a show.

I haven't painted for some weeks and it's like there's a hole in me. Painting used to be a synthesis of my thoughts and feelings, the same way this column is. I haven't written in my journal either, even though I have pretty and expensive fountain pens to encourage (mock?) me from their silent spot in my drawer desk.

I have developed a strong dislike for others' emotional outpourings. "You're lucky you have time for emotion," I say internally with a sneer. The implication is that feelings are a waste of time, and then they should be like me, who have better things to do. 

I need to snap out of this. The thing is I have an obsessive personality. Once I latch on to an idea, I am consumed by it. That's all I'll think about. That's all I'll talk about. Right now I am obsessed with my business and it is taking over my life. It's not the fire of passion, burning bright and hot. It's a single-minded, unblinking, almost robotic obsession with the thing in question.

This is a reminder that while it's great that I can focus on something that matters to me, it's not the only important aspect of my life. I promise to set aside time to reflect, paint, and write from the heart. 

What's missing in your life lately?