Monday Musings: Now That I Have Botox, I Can’t Fully Frown

If you’ve been reading this space for a while, you’d know about my long-standing, conflicted feelings toward doing any major procedures on my face. I’ve been tempted more than once, but each time I managed to hold back, telling myself I didn’t want to rely on treatments just to feel confident. I wanted to believe I could accept the natural changes, to embrace every line as a record of years well-lived.

Here’s the thing though: there was a single deep line on my forehead that just wouldn’t go away. It became less obvious when I lost 20 pounds, but now that I’ve gained back 10, it’s back with a vengeance. Every time I take a photo, I see it and it eats my makeup into a deep crease! It’s like my right brow is permanently tensed into a big bump that I can’t seem to relax. Finally, I decided to do something about it. I went to Skinstitute and had it sorted out with starter Botox shot from underneath my eyebrows. Now, my forehead is considerably smoother, flatter, and the line is not so visible anymore.

The price for slowing down the relentless march of time? I can’t fully frown anymore (or at least for the next six months). It’s strange, not being able to frown at 100% strength! I feel like something small was taken away from me. Obviously, it was my choice, but the feeling of something missing still exists. It’s like I can’t express the full range of my displeasure at something; at most, I can give a slightly confused look. Confused and angry are two completely different emotions, no? I wish I can do them both easily.

At the end of the day though, I’m happy with my choice. I’m glad I finally got Botox. It’s not a miracle cure, nor does it make me look like a completely different person. It just makes me feel a little more comfortable (I guess is the best word) when I see myself in photos or in the mirror. I still recognize my face, but with one small tweak that helps me feel more like myself. And maybe that’s really what these little interventions are about: not erasing who we are, but giving ourselves permission to feel good in our own skin.

If anything, this experience reminded me that self-acceptance and self-improvement don’t have to cancel each other out. I can honor the years that shaped me and still make small choices that help me feel comfortable in my skin today. Maybe that forehead line will come back, maybe I’ll eventually let it stay - but for now, I’m learning that it’s okay to hold space for both: the woman who wants to embrace change naturally, and the one who’s curious about what a little science can do.