The dating world is tough for a guy who wears makeup (like me)

“I see the reason why you wear makeup. It is to attract guys, right?” That’s exactly what my mom said when she found out I wear makeup. You know, why is it that when we - girls and guys - have makeup on, it’s always assumed that its purpose is to attract someone else? Can’t we wear makeup for ourselves? Anyway, I think it was sweet of my mom to assume that guys are attracted to me whenever I have makeup on. Little does she know, it’s the opposite. 

Dating has always been tough for me. I always say that dating is a full-time job because it requires work, but sometimes I couldn’t help but wonder why it seems as if I always have to work overtime. For many years, I believed it was because I wear makeup. 

“You need to be discreet”

To this day, I can still hear the voice of that friend of mine who told me that no one will want to date me because of makeup. You see, I do not mind wearing makeup in public. When I say makeup, I mean the whole shebang. I even had a phase where all I ever wore was MAC’s Ruby Woo. By the way, I stand six feet, two inches tall. How’s that for discreet? I was never discreet. Quite frankly, I never will be. I did try, however. 

Haunted by what my friend said, I decided to give all of my makeup away. Yes, all of them. Maybe if I tried to make an effort to be discreet, someone will date me. Needless to say, I couldn’t do it. Being discreet just isn’t for me. I did manage to live without makeup for two months, though. How did I survive? I have no idea. 

“Can you not wear makeup when we meet?”

After establishing that I could never let go of makeup, I continued dating, focusing on doing so online. I just had to look for guys who are okay with it. Thankfully, I was able to meet a few. Unfortunately, they were only okay with it in theory.  

It would always be wonderful until the day before the first date. That’s when everything suddenly changes. I would get questions about why do I feel the need to wear makeup or why can’t I just be simple (as if wearing makeup automatically takes away the simplicity of a person). 

While some guys are okay with the fact that I wear makeup, they prefer that I don’t wear any whenever I’m with them, especially in public. Also, some guys assume that just because I wear makeup, I always step out of the house with it. Finally, some guys present themselves as being okay with it, only with the mission of convincing me to stop. I kid you not; I once dated a guy who said, “You look good in makeup. However, if you want to date me, there are certain expectations. Number one, no makeup allowed.” 

“With or without makeup”

Maybe it’s the hopeless romantic in me, but I didn’t want to give up on love. People have preferences, I know, but there’s got to be someone out there, right? I just needed to keep the faith. I’m still me when I wear makeup, and makeup comes off at the end of the day, so it’s just temporary, really. However, why does something temporary feel like a permanent problem in my life? 

All of a sudden, it dawned on me. My perspective was the problem. I had this thinking that I was a problem because I wear makeup. I was wrong to think that I needed to give up or shy away from what I love so that someone could love me back. I’ve watched every single episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race and I seemed to have forgotten what RuPaul says at the end of every episode - “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?” 

Call it coincidence but right after realizing that I wasn’t a problem and that I should love myself with or without makeup, one guy came into my life and made all the dating work worth it. He never makes me feel like I need to be discreet. He doesn’t mind if I wear makeup when I’m with him. Finally, he loves me with or without makeup. He even told me so.