No Thanks: Four Absurd Beauty Products That Are Beyond Us
by Kristel Yap, contributor
With both small indie brands and large multinationals churning out collection after collection, season after season, it can be difficult for a beauty brand to capture the public’s attention. Some have come up with crazy things just to get noticed, and sometimes novelty overtakes utility. Sure it’s a cute concept but did anybody actually think about how it holds up in real life? We've tried some unusual things in the name of beauty but there are a few products and services that are just way too impractical or absurd for us to get behind.
Glitter Lip Kit
Glitter lips have been done in editorial and fashion shoots long before Pat McGrath sold her kits. Sure, it looks really glam and fun to do but apart from playing with it in your bedroom, can you actually wear this elsewhere? The idea of spreading something sticky enough to hold not one but two layers of powder - a metallic pigment and microfine glitter, on the lips just sounds plain uncomfortable. Plus, it will probably get all over our face in 10 minutes.
We worry enough about finding long-lasting lipsticks that can survive a meal; this one doesn’t look like we’ll be able to eat at all, save for accidentally swallowing some of that sparkle. While the look isn’t exactly as striking, we’d rather stick to glitter gloss.
Face Slimming Gadgets
These beauty tools are usually available in three forms: face rollers, cheek trainers (aka, BJ lips), and face corsets. Rollers massage your face and thus supposedly burn fat. The massaging part mostly sounds pretty relaxing and a great way to work in skin care, but that’s not going to burn any fat any more than a weekly full-body massage can help you get trim. On the other hands, cheek trainers actually induce some sort of facial workout while corsets train and tighten your facial muscles.
It sounds as convincing as a home TV shopping spiel: it’s tempting to buy just to try it out but then we hang the phone up when we start wondering if we’d rather deal with wrinkles over face fat. Contouring is way easier, plus we’re happy to take any excuse to buy makeup! If you want real and lasting results though, better to stick cosmetic procedures that are proven safe and effective.
A few weeks ago, the PV girls had a collective mini-heart attack over a ‘semi permanent BB foundation’ promotion we spotted on Facebook. We love the thought of having woke-up-like-this eyebrows, eyeliner, or even lipstick as those are all small, controlled areas of the face. But tattooing every inch of our skin? Pain concerns aside, how do you deal if you get a tan and the rest of your body darkens, or if (heaven forbid) the wrong shade is applied? What if your skin is prone to getting keloids? Will the tattoo limit your skincare options? Thanks, but we’re pretty content fiddling with our cushion foundations and makeup sponges or investing in good skin care to create a more even skin tone.
Boob Sheet Masks
One of the reasons why we love sheet masks is because they allow us to have some precious R&R time. You rest while your skincare works! It does get tempting to put in on everything, from hair to nails to feet, but it’s honestly difficult to take boob sheet masks seriously. First of, they (usually) aren’t as exposed to harsh elements the way our faces are. A good cream or body oil should suffice in keeping the skin soft and moisturized, but we’d be kidding ourselves if we thought that the doing so will be enough to keep the girls perky. Only cosmetic procedures would be able to effectively address that really, since they can permeate both the skin and the tissue underneath. That said, a neck and décolletage mask would be a great idea for keeping those areas moisturized, and perhaps keep them wrinkle-free for a bit longer.
What about you? Where do you draw the line between something you’d consider trying (at least once) versus a product or service that seems too way out there? What would you add to our list?
Header image via carisseiris.blogspot.com