I'm going to Singapore next month for my first ever art symposium. I've been thinking about it for a few months now, worrying about the cost, worrying if I'll even fit in should I decide to join. But it was a particularly muggy day yesterday and for some unconnected reason I felt ready for a new adventure. So, I booked my tickets and paid for the symposium! I didn't think I was going to do that when I woke up yesterday morning.
I'm a little bit poorer for it because I don't roll around in money, but I'm convinced that it is a good investment in furthering my skills as an artist. I want to be more than a hobbyist - I want to paint things that will make people think or things that will tell a story. I also want to be able to teach better because that's one thing I love, love doing, more than I thought I would. Now I'm practically addicted to conducting workshops and finding happiness when someone discovers she's capable of more.
But now I feel nervous about the cost of the trip and conscious about my current skills. Was that the best way to spend my money? I could have just bought more books, or invested it in something else with precise numerical returns. Would I be able to follow the workshops and activities I would attend? I mean, it would be so embarrassing if I paint crap while everyone else paints beautifully.
But I can't second guess myself forever, and neither should you. We worry so much about all the things that we can't be or can't have. This constant anxiety paralyzes us from taking a step toward that thing that we want. If it can make us better though - and I mean better in the sense that you don't just look or feel good, but you become a leveled-up version of yourself because you learned something - then it is worth the cost. Don't deny yourself that.
PS I realized I've recently been writing personal posts on Mondays. This was not intentional at all! But it makes sense, because I always mentally prep myself for the week ahead. Monday is the day I think about the things I've done and learned in the past week. It's also the day I think about the things I need to do moving forward. So yes, welcome to Monday Musings! It's now a thing, haha.